Boys are stupid… Throw rocks at them
I admit that I lifted the title of this post from my favorite tee shirt, one from David and Goliath, that I’ve had for years and always makes me laugh. Although right now I’m not really laughing. I’m shaking my head in disbelief and frustration. The dating game is annoying and at this point I’m so fed up with the games I want to throw in the towel. Seriously. Are there any normal, considerate, respectful, and single men out there? Hello? If you’re out there please look me up. I’m a nice woman who isn’t interested in playing games. Honest. No guilt trips, no lies, no psycho freak outs. I don’t need to be saved – although I’ve recently come to learn that some men suffer from the “white knight syndrome” (which may be the topic of another blog) and want to date women who are seriously f’ed up to try to save them by bringing love and caring and stability to their lives. Really?! I guess it’s not just nice guys who finish last. Who’s left for the smart, stable, and happy women of the world?
Anyway, back to my “story.” So, what happened? Sigh. Here goes nothing (but a little more of my pride). By way of background, I met a guy from an online site in early to mid July. Let’s call him Mr. Cupid. I honestly can’t remember, but our first date was during the Tour de France. A few days after we met he went on reserve travel and came back the first day of the Olympics. (Only a crazy endurance junkie tells time by way of major sporting events…lol). We kept in touch via email while he was on travel and went out on our second date when he returned. So, I guess it’s fair to say we’ve been dating since the Olympics, about a month and a half or so. We saw each other once or twice a week and I typically got texts from him on a daily basis – usually in the early evening after work because he isn’t allowed to take his smart phone into the office because of security concerns.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure I will admit that I kept my profile up and responded to other men who emailed me, etc… but no other dates materialized during the time I dated Mr. Cupid. I wasn’t actively pursuing other leads, but I wasn’t shunning them either. A handful of men dropped me emails and I responded to a few of those. I’ve never really been comfortable seeing more than one person at a time. I like to put time and effort into dating and see where things go but I appreciate that just isn’t how it’s done any more. I don’t have to like it but I’m trying to adapt and save myself some pain and heartache. Trying. So, ultimately, I was happy to see where things were going with Mr. Cupid, but I’ve learned to not put all my eggs in one basket and was trying to keep my options open.
So, we’ve been on, oh, I don’t know, 6 dates or so. Having a nice time. There’s definitely chemistry… and one day, IT happens. We never had the talk, which I appreciate isn’t such a great idea but hey, I’m a grown up and have needs and certainly missed the “attention” (it’s been 6 months since Mr. Ex and I finally parted ways).
I can’t say I was so naive to think that having sex with Mr. Cupid meant that he was going to fall madly in love with me and/or commit to me on the spot. Honestly, I didn’t know what it meant to him. But we were having fun. After the deed it seemed like we talked more and got to know each other better. I felt closer to him as we shared stories about our families and growing up and our pasts. It felt comfortable and I thought things were progressing smoothly enough. I was content to date him and content to not really try to date anyone else while I was figuring things out with him. If I were to be asked out (and there was a man emailing somewhat regularly and, I think, getting to that), I planned to talk to Mr. Cupid about it and go from there. I trusted that Mr. Cupid was a nice person and wasn’t sleeping with multiple people at once. I don’t know – was that a fair assumption?
Seriously, what are the rules about sex and dating these days? I can’t conceive of sleeping with more than one person at a time. Even if there was no commitment (although I certainly prefer a commitment and the few partners I’ve had over a span of 4 years have involved committment and STD tests before the fun began). I also can’t conceive of sex without strings attached. Can men really disassociate sex and caring? Well, I honestly do think they can… but when sex leads to intimacy on other levels (i.e., sharing personal stories, hopes, fears, etc.) is it fair for a woman to think there is an emotional attachment? I guess I do but perhaps I’m wrong. Hmm…more topics for future blog posts.
So fast forward to this past Friday. Mr. Cupid comes over in the evening after I got home from work and we have some wine and one thing led to another… we’d planned to spend the day Saturday together, going to Luray Cavern and potentially stopping at some wineries along the way. I hadn’t anticipated seeing him Friday (or having a sleep over). Saturday I needed to get a run in and he very encouragingly and supportively shooed me out of my condo in the morning so I could get it done as he knows I have races coming up. Before I left he asked if he could use my computer to check the news and watch tv, etc. Of course. I logged onto my computer and handed him my remote control before getting on my way.
Back in an hour, clean up, “play” a bit more (I’m loving making up for lost time… 🙂 ). And hit the road. The day is great. The caverns are awesome. The wineries are fun. We pick up a few bottles of wine and come home and make dinner together drinking a bottle we bought at Rappahannock Cellars, my favorite local winery. Sunday he has admin to do and I have a long training ride to get in. I didn’t plan or expect to see him.
We don’t make plans for the week as he has his kid 2 days during the week (and I’m heading out of town for a race over the weekend) but, as is his custom, I continue getting the random text messages. Last night I’m checking my email and see I have an email from a new suitor – I couldn’t see the full text so I opened the site on my browser to check it out. Instead of seeing my home page what do I see? Mr. Cupid’s main page. And it’s active. He logged into the dating website on Saturday when I was running and he forgot to log out. Wow. Head is reeling. What do I do? What should I be feeling? Wow. Oh, I said that already. I’m floored.
I took the high ground and didn’t open anything. I couldn’t help but notice, though, how many active conversations he had going on and that they spanned back to the time we met and while he was on travel. Blood is starting to pump. I logged out before temptation overcame me and I did something stupid that I would regret for one reason or another.
OMG. I leave this guy alone in my condo for one hour after we spent the night and morning together in every sense of the word. What does he do with his free time? He uses it to check in with other women. In my house. On my computer. And the dumb shit isn’t smart enough to log off thereby potentially covering his tracks. Wow. My heart rate is racing now as I type this. Are men really so frickin inconsiderate, disrespectful, and stupid?!?! Seriously?
So, what can I do? What should I do? I’m totally at a loss. I realize that we had no commitment. But I didn’t know he was a player. Usually I’m a better judge of character than that. I took a few deep breaths and tried to call him. Left a message for him to call me. But in the interim I sent a very brief text along the lines of: “You forgot to log out of OKCupid. I logged you out. I didn’t open anything. Please let me know if I should see a doctor as I don’t typically engage in risky behavior. ” His response wasn’t to apologize or make excuses. Instead he asked if something was wrong. My message scared him. Wow. I scared him? Poor dear. I reiterated that I needed to know when he’d last been tested and if I had anything to fear. My anual female exam is in 3 months and I plan to have the full gamut of tests done but some things have a 6 month dormancy period. Very calm, cool, and collected. Just the facts. No emotion. He assured me he’s fine. He gets regular checkups for work and the reserves, the last of which was a few weeks ago. Ok. I guess that’s the best I can do for now. Full work up in November. And more blood work when I have my physical in the spring. Not taking any chances (although, despite his being a total douchebag, I do believe him when he says he didn’t do anything risky).
I almost didn’t write or post this because I feel so foolish and embarrassed. But, I shouldn’t. I didn’t do anything wrong. Well, that’s not true. I let my standards slip and didn’t wait until I was in a safe and committed relationship beforee having sex. Instead trusted that Mr. Cupid was a nice and honerable person. I’m not sorry I cared and gave a person a chance but I was wrong about him. He let me down. He’s an idiot. And inconsiderate. And disrespectful.
Why is dating so flippin hard? Why are men such jerks? Why are boys so stupid? I am publishing this so that women know what these idiots are capable of. Although maybe the result will actually be that these creeps learn to cover their tracks. I give up. Well, I really don’t. But I can assure you that I’ll be more careful in the future. I am so worth it. I am a catch. I am a good person. The next time I share myself with someone he will deserve me and it will be wonderful.