Facebook voyeur

So, Mr. Ex discovered that I de-facebook-friended him.  He didn’t pitch a fit or even ask why.  What he did do, though, made me sit back and sigh. 

Mr. Ex casually mentioned in an email responding to a question (I swear it was a very brief and legitimate question… I wasn’t fishing to re-engage him) that because I “de-facebooked” him he doesn’t know how I’m doing or how my training is going; that he can’t keep up.  He also mentioned that he thought of me while he was running yesterday (on an oddly hot and humid day) and was curious how my running is going and if I’m on course for the IM.   Mind you, the way he put it he wasn’t/didn’t actually asking me how I was doing – he simply stated that he wondered and couldn’t find out because I cut him off from FB.  Hmm… Interesting.  I resisted the urge to write back and let him have it – telling him why I de-friended him, among other things, because that wasn’t the point and, at the end of the day, it wouldn’t make a difference (but it would end up making me feel stupid and petty).   I am learning that I do, in fact, have some dignity.

Upon reflection, and now that my initial annoyance has passed, this is my response.  Mind you, I won’t send this to him because he doesn’t really want or need to know what’s going on in my head and doesn’t deserve to be a part of my life any more.  Anyway…  here goes nuthin’:  Dear Mr. Ex, if you want to know how I’m doing or how my training is going you could – caution:  novel concept – ask me directly.  That I de-friended you on Facebook does not mean that you have no way of finding out how I am doing.  You have a phone – you can call or text.  You have a computer – you can send me an email.  You know how to reach me.  If you want to know how I am, feel free to ask.  You do not need to wait for FB to tell you what it is I’m up to. 

Or do you?  Yes, actually, I think HE does.  You see, in my relationship with Mr. Ex I was the one who made the effort and did the work.  I didn’t really see it at the time.   Something nagged at me but I never could put my finger on it until it was too late.  I gave; he took.  It didn’t start off that way, but my giving nature and desire to please (and be rewarded with kindness and affection) kind of stole the show and he retreated back and just went on autopilot while I tried to take care of him and his needs and his happiness… never really paying attention to my own needs (not being met).  The relationship (and the ensuing 6 months of FWB) became all about him, his schedule, his interests, his whatever… Why should communication post-relationship be any different?  He never had to work for it before, I was an open book and gave of myself to him so willingly.  I learned my lesson the hard way, closed the book, and put it on a shelf.  He noticed and, it seems, is a bit disturbed by it. 

I don’t expect that he will, all of a sudden, try to re-initiate contact with me.  To be honest, I really don’t want him to, at least not when it’s clear he hasn’t grown and still views me as (or wants me to be)  the little puppy who begged for scraps of his attention.  I’m not the same person he broke up with but he’s the same person who broke up with me.  He doesn’t pull my strings any more.  I don’t jump when he tells me to.  I won’t bend over backwards to make myself available to him.  He has to want it and to work for it.  Anyone does because I’m worth it and I deserve it.

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